here are the reasons why:

1.) I’m a techno-blind when its involving an open-source website. om the other hand, i love blog that can be change into a colorful mode without being able to own an open-source type which is tiring since i’m not a web designer. like hello?

2.) General wordpress doesn’t allow me to have me any kinds of JavaScript images, so sometimes i envy bloggers with blogspot account. they can pimp their blog as happy as they can. huaaaa.

3.) i love flexible free stuff. wordpress just doesnt.

So I guess see ya there, peeps.

When i thought that the format of my thesis-bindings were wrong, i was freaking panic, i needed to find another covers with the same color and size with the previous covers, so i went to many printing services near to my house to find their matches but i couldn’t find any, so i finally went to one of the biggest malls in jakarta to find them, but still didn’t get the similar ones. fyi, the thesis was due tomorrow afternoon, it ain’t funny if i have to repeat my thesis for another semester due to wrong format, so without giving up, i discovered many sides of local printing services in jakarta in about 3 hours until i found the exact covers. later on, i found out that my format was right, so i searched all those covers for nothing. you know, my feet were weary, i drove a car with a manual gear, can you imagine Jakarta with all those crazy traffic and you have to keep your left foot on a coupling at the same time the traffic happening? FML.

is there anything worst than forgetting “beautiful”  memories about what happen last year? especially when it comes to relationship? fyi, as a couple, me and my boyfriend do not have an exact official date like when we were officially dating. weird, huh? while both me and my boyfriend think that having an official date is unnecessary, so we’re just declaring ourselves as a couple but it doesn’t matter when. at least, i remember what was going on last year especially when this Skunk was asking me about how about me being his girlfriend!  great, he forgets about this and not even care. how come he forgets, i mean, we’re in Venice and we were about to riding a Gondola and he said if we’re kiss right when the bell clanked, our relationship will last forever. and this Skunk only responses is “i’d like to go there with you again.” oh yeah i’m so boiled right now. FML.

Tomorrow better be a good day, otherwise i’m gonna run a riot.

This time I don’t want to make self-destruction impression about my self but this is haunting me all the time. I always thought that people can never enjoy full happiness unless they want it to. Life is never fair, so I understand the logic that when you suffer, others are happy or when you happy, others are suffer. When you struggle, others are enjoying their life or when you’re enjoying your life, others are struggling. in God points of view, it is FAIR.

I’ve got too many going on in my head right now. feel like to spill it:

1.) This 4 years old kid at my house just couldn’t stop bugging my life. I can’t have a quiet life whenever he’s around. He tortured my cat, he messed up my house, he kept crying and crying and he can’t be told not to! I said, don’t do this and that but he kept going. I have never hate children, they’re adorable. but it is good for a kid on his age to be taught about things that shouldn’t be done and what’s good. if he was my son i would definitely taught him, pinch him whenever he turns into a mischief. but he’s not mine so i have no rights over him. Now I have difficulties to concentrate whenever he’s around. Btw, I was just bringing my cat to the vet because she couldn’t stop constantly vomiting, her weight drops o.4 kg and she is stressed too. too bad this kid’s mother is way damn nice, i still have a heart to not rebuking him.

2.) I have my thesis to be submitted 10 days from now and a council (or whatever that is on English) a month from now!!! I praise to God for getting my thesis done today but i still have to do a bit touch-up to make my thesis even more perfect. Dear God, if you can feel me, oh I bet you do, my stress level is high. and guess what, everyone in my school feels the same way too.  i hope the thesis committee approving my thesis.  i wanna graduateeee so mucchhhhh!

3.) I don’t know whom i’ll gonna be vote on July 9th presidential election! I wanna be neutral but my vote is count, though. i hate hate hate hate to be given an option. I do know many of those presidential candidates qualities, you know.  they are all good. but what got me is that they can’t really do this “OOOHH” speech that made me interested. you know that Obama is not so old. he speeches good and i’m frightened. these three candidates, they’re once again, good enough but i felt like wanting to sleep whenever they start to talk. go ahead, tell me I have a bad nationalism, whatever.

4.) I’m currently reminiscing some of Wacko Jacko’s songs.

MJ’s Jacket is FIERCE!

My favorite three’s are you rock my world, black and white and i want you back. what’s yours?

4.) I envy these girls who can dress-up so edgy without even looking too trashy and can be so classy at the same time like this:

or, this

and this,

orrr thissss,

and never ending this and that….

p.s. I wanna banana pinyata splurge!

first, there was this TV show segmented for kids that was noneducational. I’m talking about bunch of powerful children beating up group of genies or evil spirit or whatever they are called.  The genies equipped with nasty-never-cleaned-up wigs, colorful make-ups (green as the blush-on? are you kidding me? the make-up artist sucks)  and they are like, literally, naked. they wore only a piece of long clothe to cover-up something below their tummy. and their tummy, oh my goodness, its like two watermelons in one cavity.

so this powerful kids were trying to beat them up by playing football. at first the kids lost to them but later on after the kids combined their power into one which involved karate style and lame mantra, the kids won. You see, i think Indonesian kid series are way left behind than the one in the US, Australia and Europe. Okay, we’ve got famous Bocah Petualang series and others but they’re nothing to compare with nickleodeon kid series or any other similar tv stations out there. so tell me oh-my-beautiful-country, what’s so hard about making our tv series for kids to be a little bit more influential?

other lameness story. it is about someone blatantly gossiping each other over the others. confused? me, too at first. but let’s consider Bubbles (I’m watching Power Puff Girls so this name pops out), she’s a woman in her mid 40, she works as a servant at my neigbor’s house located in bloc XY # 3. my house located in bloc XY # 4 and another expatriate neighbor located in bloc XY # 5. Right now i can say that Bubbles needs to get a life rather than blatantly hooting and gossiping people around our neighborhood. as a servant, she has to keep manners.

This cool expatriate that lives in the house number 5 frequently spotted by her and her similar friends changing different ladies every week. those ladies was often brought by him to his house and each lady lived in his house for like a week. then after a week, that expatriate will get another new girl to live with. sadly, his activities are too obvious for Bubbles to be observed, so Bubbles could not stop blabbing around to her friends about how this expatriate has a special fascination with Indonesian sluts. Before that, everyone on this neighborhood already knew about Bubbles attitudes, she slanders everyone then spread lies, not to mention, cruelly teasing and gossiping people.

Now back to the expatriate case. Apparently, he knew about the Bubbles thing. One day he overheard Bubbles spoke loudly when a woman just went out from the expatriate’s house, “Oh my, that guy breeds different “Chicken” each week” and this guy knew enough the meaning of her statement. He’s so angry that he immediately came down to face her and telling her that she needed to leave him alone. He also threatened her if once again he heard Bubbles saying bad things about him, he’d report this to her employer. By adding statement like “I can do whatever I want since I pay those girls to stay with me.”, Bubbles didn’t feel embarrassed at all and she kept blabbing and insisted that she’s right. She needs to change her attitude because, gahhh.. nobody likes her. not even me. On weekend, I always avoided coming home during the time whenever she’s around and that is at 6 pm and 9 pm. That is one of the reasons why I never let my boyfriend hanging out too long at my house. oh yeah, FYI Bubbles, we all do know that your employer often brought ladies to the house you work and live in too. so get the “f” over it.

1.) Disney’s Fairy Tales Wedding/Honeymoon

Sounds dull. But since Disney launched their fairy tales wedding product, I’ve been lounging to have that kind of wedding or honeymoon. Visit the dreamy website. By getting married in a Disneyland, you can enjoy the whole package about becoming a princess. Getting a beautiful bouquet and enjoyable reception. aawww..

Plus you get to ride Cinderella’s Couch with not so cheap price charges. But lately my guy friends ruined this dream wedding by saying that, not all men wanna have a wedding party like that. I asked “why not?” and he responded by saying “And? If I was about enter that wedding, I get to wear a prince tux? Enjoying the night with Mickey Mouse? or even worse, riding a pumpkin dogcart like that? Not so understandable.” Nice, you sons of bitches.

2.) Finishing Diabolical level of my Sudoku book.

I’m not as genius as the guy who can play satanic level of Sudoku less than a minute, i just never get a chance to finish it. Maybe i’m too busy for that (Shifting the conversation). But its been my dream to finish the puzzle. Did any of you play the puzzle? try it on its highly addictive.

3.) To became an Engineer

My dad is an engineer and he loves to create technology in agriculture system. He also loves to repair broken things with me get involved somehow. He said I was good in fixing mechanical things and I do love the complexity of machinery. Poor me, I’m bad at Physics. When I got my first Physics subject on Junior High, I regarded the subject as nonsense. Since that, my physics grade always stay below the D grade. Friend of mine teased me by saying that it was okay if I can’t be an engineer, even an amateur in the local repairing-shop didn’t have degree in industrial to be able to fix her dad’s motor cycle. ick. like I want to?

4.) Respected Lady for having influential career

Just when I thought my dream to became a machinist wouldn’t be come through, got influenced by my mom with her tons of magazines collection, I read many influential woman story on her magazines. and suddenly I wanna be like them. Lawyer, journalist, financial analyst, fashion guru, business woman, entrepreneur. I think now I still wanna be like them.

5.) Being a Mom

I’m not forgetting my predestine as a woman to get married, having children and being a good mom. I do wanna have a great career and be a great mom at the same time. I wanna have a big family as well, but maybe someday being a mom is gonna be my biggest priority than career itself.  But wait,  picture displayed above picturing a good quality of mom. well, well. maybe i’m dreaming off to far about being a great mom. lol.

This post is too motherhood. I will probably back soon with more real life experience. in music perhaps? or again talking about my own thesis. Holy cow, such a pain in the ass! Once again I’m talking about my thesis i feel nauseous. I just hope I can graduate soon and entering the real world. But little update, the thesis is about to wrap up in 3 more days. 2 days if i dont procrastinate. LOL. What’s your biggest dream in life?

My friends, are the bestest friends in the world, they are willing to help me by signing the petition letter. Thanks guys, you’re the best. My philosophy lecturer assistant was also being nice by sending a memo to the academic and telling me that i was not absent on those dates. and my thesis adviser responding it by saying that i have a great thesis and shouldn’t be failed for this. :’). I love people around me and i feel so lucky.

On Monday everythings fine. He said I’m no longer decided fail on this semester and I really am glad because, you know, it’s all just a technical problem within me and the absent system. and apparently, I’m not the only girl who got strucked by this technical problems. I hope they are doing just fine. I think my school should implement finger-print absent system based on this phenomenon of wrong in taking attendance. Anyone ever got the same problem with me, too?

Anyway before that, does meme still in around the blogospheres? I think many bloggers now have  more innovations rather than meme-ing. I must say I’m pretty much left behind, I still love meme though. So I just got back from a grocery store for a weekly errand and this meme theme is in coincidence with i’ve did before. here it goes:

Give Me Five staples on your grocery list besides milk, bread and eggs.

1. Food Meat

Meat is like everyone’s daily basics. Eventhough I’m a bad cook, I still got skill to work over meats like frying or make meat soups for my lunch as well as for dinner.

2. Snacks

Don’t blame me for this unhealthy life, please. I love love looveee snacks. They are the greatest acquaintance at home, and don’t you love their crunchy sounds when you bit them?

3. Chocolate Syrup.

Hersey’s got the best one. But since my mom not so into something fatty like this, she suggests me to buy Ensure (FOS) to substitute a real milk because it’s tasty but I think she just doesn’t want me to be fat. she was shocked enough seeing me gained 6 kg or 3 pounds back in 2007. Gawd, I’m drooling over the picture!

4. Asian spices

I don’t like eating foods with less spices. it doesn’t give me any taste. I made an attempt to buy spices for whatever they used for to be mixed with our cook.

5. Instant Foods

I know, I know.. I don’t have a healthy lifestyle. Instant foods are AWESOME (In fact, they gave me colic and I suffered from diarrhea for a week from consuming too much instant foods) but I keep buying them you know. they’re delicious, addicting and I can’t wait to buy some more.

How was my give me five meme? what is your favorite staples for groceries? I actually have more lists on my grocery but i think most of the lists are too weird for you. LOL. btw, I just notice that indonesian reality tv shows now are full with fake dramas, but its great to watch. Wait, I’m gonna grab my snack and start watching now. bubbyee.

I remembered few months ago when my mom asked me to make NPWP or Tax Payer Identification Number at the Tax Service Office, there were many people came with the same aim like me and my mother. to get an exemption of fiscal rate whenever me and my mom willing to go abroad. This young mother came along with her one year old daughter that barely could walk, but this little kid, you know, struggled to walk and she did. This little girl walked right in front of me while I was sitting and waiting for my turns to be called. Suddenly, she fell. I bowed down and tried to grab her but then her mom walked close by and said “Do not help her. Let her try to get up by herself.” So this young mom is trying to teach her daughter to be, let say, independent.  and independent leads to self adulthood.

Later on I found out that I’m not “adult” enough to have my own Tax Payer Identification Number because I have yet to have my own fix income. I still get an exemption though, because mom has one TPIN.

You see, Lakshmi Mittal’s status as a working class family in  a steelmaking industry bring him to one of the world’s richest people in the world. Both he and his dad were involved in steel industries and learned the development of steel productions. Fidel Castro has been a leader of Cuba and transformed his country into a communist state. He’s powerful and charismatic but many media pointed him as a dictator. During his shool year, he had been politically active because he used violence and students activism to attract attentions. He’s the son of a spanish immigrant and a household servant. A poor condition like that still made him to be a leader in his country no matter how. ( that is including joining forces with individuals like famous Che Guavara to overthrew the government and took leadership of the country. )

Famous people like those you know, that teach us to grow up. I just can’t ever understand when people blame their parents ( divorce parents, cheating husband, alcoholic mother ) as a reason to prevent their success, as a reason of having bad performance at school and a reason to restraint their future happiness. All decisions are going back to us as children once again.

What I learnt from this adulthood is that to understand many things. care for yourself, learn not to have fear to every kind of human level, and stay positive. Guess what, mom and dad taught me those things even before I had my first menstruation period. too bad it is a little bit late I learnt. but i get it now. Eventhough I really hate imperfection, I’ll taking care of every problem maturely.

Even Donald Duck’s nephews, Huey, Douie and Louie are more mature and smarter than their emotional uncle, if you happen to read the comic.

I hate children. I really do. Oddly enough, I’m pro-life and have a 2 year old of my own. I don’t want kids to DIE, I just can’t stand them. They’re loud, annoying, and they ruin your life. Anyone who willingly has more than one child is a moron. I wish I had never had my daughter. Ever since I had her I’ve been miserable. I love her, but I don’t LIKE her & I can’t stand to be around her. I don’t get to go anywhere or do anything fun b/c she’s always screaming & crying & needing something. I understand child abuse now b/c I wanna beat her every time she starts screeching. I’m giving her up for adoption to her grandparents before I end up beating the hell out of her or something.

Lesson learned: It is never easy to be a good mother. Psychiatrist help is really needed to teach us how to control an emotion.

I sit in the classroom fantasizing of my 60 year old teacher who is overweight.

Lesson learned: Fantasizing is baaadd. you know, try to keep up with reality eventhough it sucks. One day you may fantasize about a hot mama, next day the fantasy is expanding… either that sexy mama turns out having a male vital and you start to play with it or that she actually a guy. don’t believe that? ask somebody who watch porns alot. no. it’s not me.

When I was 4 what seemed like a giant teddy bear fell on me, now I have a phobia of teddy bears.

Lesson learned: Oh, poor thing. just never give your son/daughter that so called cute dolls and toys. they might have give them phobias. like this not-so-famous-anymore indonesian actress confessed that she really scared of ballons, so even children things can be so harmful sometimes.

I had sex with 4 men in 3 days while my husband was in jail for 4 days.

Lesson learned: husband, be a great lover!!

Sometimes when I go to sleep, I’m afraid to close my eyes because I think they’ll roll so far back that they’ll twist off and get mangled.

Lesson learned? no lesson learned.. I used to feel the same way too. ok, this is a bonus.. my little confession too. huh?

I really like peanuts. When I was like 10, my friend joe bet me 2 dollars I couldn’t swallow one whole. I got 2 dollars, so then he bet I couldn’t keep doing in. Then a few days later I pooped them out and my tuckus bled badly

Lesson learned: HAHA! laugh first. 2 dollars and all you got was your tuckus bled? ask 50 dollars if joe wants to see you swallow more than one peanuts to get your ass bleeding like PMS-ing. ok, this ain’t funny. the hell is wrong with me??

I was in elementary school and all the kids in my class were huddled together for story time. I farted and it stank so bad. I was quick to blame this girl ‘Aubrey’ who sat nearby who has a hearing disability and everyone vacated the area where she sat. I feel bad, but I dont blame myself for being a funny little boy.

Lesson learned: sooo meeaaannn. but you know, people love to blame others and rarely admitted their fault. especially when the one to blame is weak. so don’t ever look weak in front of everyone!! be strong!!

I’ve been in a relationship with the hottest girl for 18 months now and let me say the sex is spectacular. But I cheated on her at least 15 times with at least 15 different girls. although banging other girls isn’t nearly as good as doing my girlfriend, I just can’t stop.

Lesson learned: not too much words, Boys are still be boys.

How are those? open the webpage to find more “interesting confessions” like a boy admitted that he beat up her mom and it felt good and he wants to do it anymore.. and stuff like that. Anyway, what keeps me up all night is that because of  my neighbor is hanging around outside with her bunch of tacky friends and listening to the music with loud volume in the middle of the night. I feel like wanting to call security guards and complaining. oh yess, I might be. hang in there morons.

See, the thing is that I’ve been Missing in Action (MIA), (I was once losing my blog password and still having dysfunctional laptop keyboard) because right after my arrival from my hometown, I attempted to see my advisor for my thesis (in a very high spirit) because I was kinda confused to find the methodology for this effing study. yep let me tell you a little bit about my study. I study about the corporate culture and shareholder value. I can tell you, it is fucking complicated or just even to find each variables of them.

So this hit me: I go to school for 4 years and this is what I should do to fulfill the requirement of graduation? I should just be a female model or an actress at first and obeying school. for real. HAHA. (not. who wants to make a deal with me anyways?)

My advisor told me the most shocking thing when I told him I have yet to find the methodology for this study. and he quickly said that doing thesis for bachelor degree students is really hard. for the bachelor degree, he prefer to call it students papers. thesis is for master degree students. what you have to do is, yess, you replicate others methodologies. I dropped my jaw, replicate, sir? (not because it is a wrong thing to do, but I heard that as something exciting. HAHA) and then he added, how about that girl? If you are willing to graduate NEXT FUCKING YEAR and pay another $2200 for one whole repeating 8th semester, to really conduct a real study just like what professors in Harvard did, I can discuss it with the dean.

I was in silence and tears about to coming down. the reason he said that is because he tried to bust my energy and my progress to do this thesis. but I was just scared. then he said, “I hope I didn’t scare you much.” too late, he already did.

So I drove back home with a top speed of 135km/hour and I didn’t use my brain to drive, at that time, I probably using my knees (like literally) to drive because I can’t even think! I cannot graduate next year and get my parents spend another money for school, that’s enough. because i’m about to stepping down a payback phase of my life (to get a job and get the money for my parents!) and oh boy, I hate imperfection.

Back home, I cried and texted my boyfriend telling him how panic i am. But he’s not like me, he’s very calm. he said I can do it, you know… replicate is so far the good thing to do. many people use statistical method for their studies. there are thousand of them with thousand methodologies. It’s ok just to replicate their method.

and yes, I got my advisor point, bachelor degree students cannot be forced to conduct studies resemble to Ph.D or master degree students’ methodologies. like I’m going to find something new to be portrayed to the whole world. in case you have watching Angels and Demons, that bunch of professors who found anti-materi, probably took several years to create that thing. All I have to do is, to find link between my study about corporate culture towards shareholder value. thats it. find the correlation.

Like this Law #1, stated in my book that he/she suggests:

Everything correlates with everything, especially when the same individual defines the variable to be correlated.

inspiration: oh hell yes, I can use anything. like anything to be correlated. I was thinking to correlate “Size of cookies determine the number of chips on it. like the bigger the cookies, the more the chips, or what ladies say.. the merrier.” (who love cookies, hands up!) or, when I went back home with my boyfriend after dinner and found a very nice restaurant with less customers, our mind started to analyze and found out that maybe the parking spot is too small and people are not willing to park their car in a small lot. so this idea came up.. “The size of a parking spot may determine the profitability of a restaurant.” (the second idea is our intellectual property rights. it is copyrighted. anyone who wants to use this idea, should contact us first. seriously.) LOL. okay, my assumption is also being clarified with another law.

Law #3:

Unless you can think of a logical reason why two variables should be connected as cause and effect, it doesn’t help much to find a correlation between them. In Columbus, Ohio, the mean monthly rainfall correlates very nicely with the number of letters in the names of the months!!

Why is that even important to be correlated to? you know, because many people will think that as a magical cause and effect but little they know, few people do the research about monthly rainfall and number of letters in the names of the months. so, unless you can find reasons why you stated every single problem you have to the public, find the correlation first. it has been my reasons so far which explains why I’ve been a very massive thinker. Anyone with me?

or did I sound like writing my thesis a lot, therefore it is affecting the way I write this blog? HAHA.